


Lost and Found

by milksenpie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Smut, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milksenpie/pseuds/milksenpie
Summary: One closet. One night. Lights off.When Seungcheol stumbles upon a weeping stranger inside his dark closet, they end up creating the memory of a perfect relationship with the lights off, never knowing how each other looked like.Seungcheol immediately regrets the decision, though when he opens the door, the stranger was already gone.Lost in the sea of both familiar and unfamiliar faces. Seungcheol so desperately tried to find him, but...How do you look for someone you've never seen before?





	Lost and Found

** SEUNGCHEOL’S POV:  **

* * *

 

"What-- Jisoo! That's disgusting, man! At least get off my bed!" I called out as I stared in horror at the two bodies tightly, closely entwined as they squirmed about on top of my bed. Displeased by the sight that greeted me when I opened the door to my room, I instantly hauled the door back to its place, shutting it closed while letting out incoherent mumbles of complaints as I strut away from my room.

 

I was tired as fuck, dizzy from all the alcohol and I couldn't think of anything else but to rest for the time being. The party was a great success, of course. The team captain of the soccer team voluntarily hosting the party for those who are about to graduate high school in roughly five months was a good idea-- it really seemed as if everybody who was about to graduate was inside my house. It was a total mess; a lot of making out, dancing and trash all over the place, but I figured that it was all good. After all, it is the last time we will all be spending time together like this as a batch.

 

Despite the heavy sentiment that this party was holding, I desperately needed to lay down for a while, or else I feel like my head’s going to split in two. Before pushing my way past the swaying, sweaty bodies that filled my make-shift dance floor (aka my living room), I made sure to stuff the buds of my earphones into my ears without playing anything from my iPod. I do this all the time-- I pretend like I'm listening to something, and instead listen to the people talking around me, or to avoid conversation. For tonight, it was the second reason.

 

I opened every single door that my hand could land on around the first floor of my home, greatly irked by the sight that greets me every time I let it swing open: it was either a) some people I know making out, b) some people I don't know making out or the worst of them all, c) people having sex. Jisoo belonged to the C category. Inside my room, unfortunately.

 

Getting no luck in grabbing a room for myself, also because there was no way I was dozing off in the couch where a lot of people would be passing by, I ventured further into my house until my eyes caught sight of the narrow door by the kitchen.

 

Fuck yeah.

 

I made sure no one was looking before shuffling towards it, held the door handle and slipped myself inside. I made sure to keep the lights off just in case somebody notices the supposed irrelevant door on the far side corner of my kitchen. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I had no other choice; so I slowly made space for myself on the floor, using some unused clothes and pillow cases as a mat before laying down flatly on the sheets to try and get some shut eye. It was only a few minutes, around five or so when..

 

"What the fuck..?"

 

My body reacted naturally with a flinch when somebody suddenly lands on me. I propped myself up by my elbows as my hands searched for some sort of purchase, reassurance that this was in fact, a living, breathing person.

 

A soft whimper, followed by a few sniffles confirmed my silent deductions.

 

"Holy shit, are you okay--?"

 

I couldn't move. This person’s body was shuddering, and they were silently sobbing on top of me. I made attempts to get them off so that I could open the lights to check on this stranger, but apart from the fact that they were sitting so comfortably over my thighs, I was more distracted by the scent that overpowered the smell of alcohol that lingered around no name’s body.

 

I blindly reached out for something I can grab onto so I can help this person off of me, but accidentally brushed my fingers over soft locks of hair that fell just short over the stranger’s shoulder instead.

 

“Crap, miss, I’m so so--” Before I could even finish my sentence, I get cut off midway.

 

"I thought this was empty, " He whispers.

 

_He._

 

Oh how wrong was I to assume that long hair automatically equaled woman. Apparently, that’s not the case at all.

 

Never heard his voice before, either.

 

"I could say the same, stranger, " I murmur, maintaining a hushed tone.

 

"I-I.. I'm sorry. I have to go," A sudden urge to pull him back swelled within me when I feel him slowly lifting himself up from being seated on my thighs. I was quick to reach out for him, blindly looking for any part of his clothing that I could tug on so that I could tow him back towards my warmth.

 

"Wait. Are you okay? What's wrong?"

 

He doesn't even hesitate when I pull him back, as I feel his whole body slumping against me. The unusual scent-- the one overpowering the smell of alcohol grew stronger, and it slowly started to suck me in, causing my body to involuntarily lean forward -- closer, towards him. In a matter of minutes, this intruder's scent instantly became my favorite, and I had to fight so hard not to get distracted by his aura while his whole body just...collapsed, almost lifelessly against me.

 

Despite the darkness surrounding us in this tiny room, it was almost as if I could see how tired and how sad he was. We spend the next few moments in silence as I waited for him to utter a word; it felt like he was trying to piece up a coherent sentence so he could explain what he was feeling.

 

Slowly, I feel his head dropping forward until he could comfortably lay it against my chest, his nose briefly touching the skin on my neck. I wanted to reach out and touch his face, but then I realized that I would end up tracing its features and I'll slowly start to distinguish some prominent parts of his face until I could eventually make out what he could look like. And I didn't want that.

 

So instead, my hand swerved lower, and slowly, it settled over his hip, which earned me a tiny but audible whimper while flinching from the contact.

 

"Tell me," I whisper, breaking the silence.

 

"People just.. You know. They're insensitive and they all suck,"

 

"Who?"

 

He stays silent after that, and I understand why. I guess it's really not a good idea to confide in someone whom you've just met-- what more that I was still a faceless stranger to him.

"It'll be our secret, then," I assure him as my hand slowly trailed up his back until my fingertips touch the loose strands of his hair, while he let out a soft chuckle. I'm not sure how anything I said was funny, or if he just felt ticklish from the feeling of my fingers playing with his hair, but I became more determined to try and figure out what made him laugh so he could do it again.

 

"What's so funny, huh?" He laughs, even louder this time and I could feel him shaking his head against my chest.

 

"Don't you think this is silly? We're curled up so closely and intimately like this when we don't even know each other.. Or know how we look like. Though..." He trails off, and I don't know why, but I was scared to hear the rest of what he was going to say. I was unsure of what would spill from his mouth, so in order to silence him, I slowly pulled back and tipped his chin up with my fingers so I could place my lips on whatever part of his face it would land on, using it as a blind guide to have them finally, press to his own.

 

I’m not sure what was shrouding through my brain when I did that, or why I did that, but I didn’t feel any sort of remorse for pursuing his lips like I did. Was it because I couldn’t see him and gave him a face--the face of the ideal person that I’d want to date inside my mind? Or was it because of the rush of adrenaline that came with kissing someone in the dark--someone I’ve never seen before?

 

Nonetheless… It wouldn’t have mattered what he looked like. It’s been a while since I’ve really, actually felt like wanting to kiss someone, so I just went for it.

 

I feel his lips quivering slightly, though he doesn't deny the kiss. We continue staying still, our faces unmoving as our breaths collide each time we take deep inhales and exhales, until eventually, I pull myself away from him with much reluctance.

 

"Sorry.." I mumble, unsure of what to say. Was he mad?

"I was afraid of what you were going to say next, and I--"

 

He cuts me off with a chuckle, as I feel his hands resting on my shoulders so comfortably, it was as if this -- what we were doing -- was the most normal thing to do… Almost like we do this all the time.

 

"I was gonna say, that I didn't mind it.." His words catch me a little off guard. I wasn't sure what to expect, but now I'm just solemnly thanking that I was a little on the negative side, or else I wouldn't have had the chance to kiss him.

 

"I..don't mind that, either.." He says, a shy tone coating his voice.

 

"That? Which one?" My hands were unconsciously moving by themselves, my own voice laced with curiosity. What was he talking about?

 

"You know.."

 

"Tell me."

 

Before I know it, I was already swooping down, claiming his lips once again but this time, it felt more urgent--more needy. His whimpers were music to my ears as he kissed me back with much fervor, like he wanted this, as well.

 

In a matter of seconds, my hands were already cupping his cheeks, my thumbs gently caressing his perked cheekbones while I continue to kiss him, until it almost felt like..breathing.

 

"I-I've...Never kissed anyone before," He admitted through our laboured breaths, and though our lips stopped moving, they were still pressed against each other.

 

"What..?" I question in utter disbelief because that kiss certainly did not feel like it was his first time doing it.

 

"I mean.. K-kissed like..that. It was almost as if there were feelings involved," For a moment, I become immobile. Unmoving. Stagnant.

 

It's not like I've had one of those blush inducing, heart-picking-up kinds of kisses before, anyway. In some weird way, we were almost the same.

 

"Yeah... I know. Weird." I mumbled half-heartedly, not really meaning it.

 

"Like I said, right? Told you it was weird," I hear him laugh again, and it was as intoxicating as the first time I heard it. It's a little frustrating because I have no idea who this person was, nor have I any idea how he looked like. I was a little thankful, though.

 

We spend another short moment in silence, before finally he blurts out.

"Do you.. Wanna turn the lights on?"

 

Another rush of shivers climb up my spine when I feel his hand creeping up over my arm, his fingers massaging--pressing lightly over each crevice and tensed muscle it landed on.

"Do you..?" I question him, silently wishing that he would say no.

 

"Honestly..? No.. But if we keep talking like this, eventually, you're going to ask me the same question, or maybe we could accidentally say something about us that could give us an idea on who we are...What we look like... Something like that. But I don't think I want to know who you are just yet. No offense,"

 

"None taken," What he was saying actually made sense, and frankly, he just took the words right out of my mouth. I was curious, yes, but you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat.

 

I feel like the extreme comfort (which I haven't felt for such a long time) that came with how he sat on my lap and how easy it was for me to talk to him would just disappear. Just like him, I didn't want that. While I was pondering by myself, he's slowly lifting his hand higher, until I could feel his fingertips starting to play with the hem of my sleeve. It would have been an adorable sight.. if the light was on.

 

"Thank you.." Though he couldn't see me, I gave him a confused look.

 

"For what, exactly?”

 

I feel another bout of sighs escaping his lips, the hot breath being released tickling the skin over my neck.

 

"For..this. Hearing me out. Letting me sit on your lap... Kissing me," It wasn't a big deal, and I really did nothing, but I guess it could have been a little comforting on his part.

 

"I did nothing, though.. I was just here. All I did was be here and listen..and kiss you."

 

I'm not exactly sure how it was such a big deal for him. Though his words are slowly blurring out as I become more and more distracted by his hands running all over my arms and shoulders, as well as his breath hitting my neck every time he exhales, or says something. A few more of those and I felt like I was just gonna lose it.

 

"Like I said, that kiss almost felt like there was feelings involved.. I don't really...get many of those. Mostly it's just touching and just straight up sex. Like that. The guys I've been with before..? I've never really..felt anything whenever we have sex." He didn’t sound desperate, but I sympathized with him. It was a really depressing thought, even for me.

 

I'm not very proud of my past either, after all, the soccer team captain has this cliche reputation to uphold. "Sometimes I wonder how it feels like to have sex with someone..that involves feelings, you know?"

 

I’m pretty sure what he was trying to say was that he wanted to know what it felt like to _make love_ with someone.

 

Now that I think about it, I've never done the same, either. Sure, I've had some weird, cutesy ass feelings for some of the people I've slept with before, but I don't think there has been one time where I could really, proudly say that I've had sex with...genuine feelings. I exhale as I bury myself in my own thoughts before hearing him speak again.

 

"There are these constant..voices that I hear inside my head, that I can't really seem to get rid of, and they keep telling me bad things.. Like.. sex without the feelings is all I'm worth." I could feel the sadness radiating from him as his whole body sighs against me, which instinctively made my arms curl tighter around him.

 

"I-I...I don't know what to say.. I'm sorry.. I wish I could do something to console you," I whisper, genuinely concerned.

 

Without thinking much, I slowly pulled my earphones out of my pocket, and although nothing was playing, like how I usually use it, I slide the buds into his ear. He doesn't even question what I just did, so I assumed he understood what I was trying to do. I could feels his lips tensing up, hoping that I earned a small smile for the effort.

 

"...Pretend with me," I hear him murmur in our silence.

 

"Huh..?"

 

"..Pretend with me.. This..What we have here, the extreme comfort, the darkness, the intimacy.. It all seems so real.. I just.. What if I never get to feel this again? What if..as soon as I exit that door, I _still_ don't find anybody that I could make love to..? The thought scares me.. I just.. I'm sorry, I'm asking for too much, aren't I?"

 

He's basically asking me...to make love to him. I felt a quick, not-so-subtle jump rising inside my chest at the thought. We have been spending no more than two hours inside this dark room, and I can't believe I'm actually..agreeing to his idea.

 

"But..How do we do that? How do we pretend? We aren't even in love," I question, genuinely clueless on how we would do this.

 

"That's why I told you, we pretend.. We pretend we're in love."

 

Slowly, without even noticing it, I was already trying to get into character. My hands dive down, until they settle over his hips so I could gently push him off of my lap and onto the sheets that covered the floor, making sure every touch and caress that I gave to his body would be enough to give anybody shivers up their spine. I lay him on his back, while I let myself hover on top of his obviously, smaller built body while I continue to stroke my fingers along his sides.

 

"Give me a name, then." If we were gonna do this, I need to call him something.

 

"H-han.." he whispers, and I smile at his false identity.

 

"Han.. I like your name.. Tell me, Han.. What do you love about me..? Why are you so inlove with me? Why are you so in love with..Cheol?" I give him my pretend name.

 

"C-Cheol....I love how gentle you are," He immediately responds, as I press my forehead to his (blindly, of course), making sure that my lips would brush ever so slightly against him every time I breathe out, and every time I would speak.

 

"The way you handle my body like it's the most fragile thing in the world, even though it's really..just another ordinary body. Do you remember that time when we had our first date? You pulled me into the crowd of people even though I really didn't want to and I said, _I'm scared._ You told me that you knew, and even smiled before replying the sweetest thing to me. You told me that _you would fight everyone off, so it's okay._ And that you did. I love how you do silly things like write my name on the surface of fogged up windows and glass with tiny hearts all over it. I love how at home you feel like when you come over to our house; you don't even knock anymore, you just come straight right in. I love how you manage to remember little things about me like how I'm not too fond of candies, or how it doesn’t matter for you that I’m really not a morning person..I love how _lost_ in the moment I am when I'm with you..”

 

He exhales. It was good. I had no idea if what he just said were all true, but then I suddenly remembered how we were just pretending about all this--how was I supposed to distinguish which one was fiction and which one was fact?

 

“How about you, What do you love about me?"

 

Holy shit. I don't think I've heard--or felt my heart beating this fast. I've never heard so many words so...perfectly arranged together to perform the sweetest, most genuine thing I could ever hear. I had to let out an exhale myself, to buy myself some time to think about what I love about him, and I could feel him quivering beneath me, as his lips part against mine.

 

"Han..." I start off, before my words finally come out in whispers.

 

"Well, who wouldn't fall in love with your eyes? I love how you fall into this unconscious states of staring at me, and I just..can't help but stare back.. I love how you eat all the mushrooms whenever we get pizza because you know how much I hate those. And yes, I do remember that first date. How about you, do you remember that day we first fought? I got so drunk and wasted that night and I couldn't hold myself back anymore so I drove to your place and went straight in, and laid beside you on your bed. Remember what I said? I told you, _I'm scared._ You told me that you knew, you held my hand, and faced me while you lay on your side. You told me that _you would fight everyone off, so it's okay._ And that you did. I also love how you lock your little puppy up inside her cage whenever I came over because you know how allergic I am to his fur. I love how forever sounds like whenever you say it, and how you're never afraid to hold my hand even if somebody's looking. I love how you _found_ me like this--all imperfect and flawed, and I love how you loved me...just like this."

 

My mouth found his way to his after that. The words I formed just now would really not compare, _ever,_ to what he just said to me. I know we're just making all this up, but there was this..sentence, that I could say, that could probably sum up how I was supposed to feel for him. I was scared because frankly, this was the first time I was going to say this to anybody.

 

"I love you," I whisper, and I felt his breath hitching out, hitting my bare, parted lips.

 

His hands, they climb their way all the way up my arms, snaking them around my shoulders for purchase as I feel him unleashing all his restrained wants. His lips eagerly landed against mine, and I knew that this--the taste and feel of his lips against mine was certainly going to be an addicting thing.

 

"I love you, too," I hear him sigh into my lips, and the next thing I know, I was already letting go, as well.

 

My tongue snakes its way to the crevice that gave way to his response not too long ago, and I feel him desperately gasping out for air against my mouth. I tease his tongue with a few flicks of mine, before our tongues start a small wrestle inside his mouth, full of want and need. I couldn't help but start to undress his lower half. though my movements were a little clumsily due to the lack of light, but mostly because I was more focused on kissing the breath out of him.

 

"Make love to me," I hear him say, and it took no more than a minute to get both our jeans, and our underwear off. That was exactly what I was going to do.

 

"Cheol--you're so big," I hear him moan as I slowly slid myself into him, while my hand find it's way to his thigh to keep them in place. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, and I'm assuming he could feel it from my body, too.

 

"Fuck, baby," I find myself repeating those three words as I eased myself in completely, relishing in the tightness that surrounded my length as soon as I was fully sheathed. I take a small breather, a quick moment to let himself adjust before slowly drawing my hips back, then in again to signal the starting of a slow pace. I rocked back and forth, alternating between short, quick thrusts and long, hard slams. The moans that I earn from sliding myself inside every time I thrust my hips forward became music to my ears, and I was determined to hear more of it.

 

Slowly, I start to lose control, unable to keep the slow, steady pace due to how pleasureable his tight walls have become. I slam into him, over and over, and if it weren't for the music blasting outside, the people outside would probably hear his screams and his pleas for me to go harder. Our bodies rock together as I pound myself relentlessly into him until I eventually started to feel a sudden twisting within the pits of my stomach.

 

"Just a little mo---Fuck!" I let myself go. My release came in heavy, thick ropes of cum as I spilled inside him with a few more thrusts to help myself ride my climax out. Before I could even reach out and try and get him to release, he's already spilling onto the sheets beneath us, some over his stomach, some over my hand. With that, we lay compose, next to each other as we pant lazily to catch our breaths from our... love making.

 

A few minutes pass by, and I'm already helping him dress up, of course, with a heavy heart. I'm kneeling down beside him as soon as we're both clothed, and with each second of silence that passes by, I know that our little "make up love" was about to end.

 

"I could...turn the lights on. If you want, " I murmur, while my head drops unconsciously over his shoulder, unable to hold back the crack in my voice as I spoke. His whole body tensed, as I felt his head shaking in disapproval.

 

"No..That will ruin everything. If we turn the lights on, we'll end up recognizing each other from I don't know, maybe Biology class or that Literature class last semester.. I want to keep this memory like this. You know? Just..perfect,"

 

I hid the pain that struck me upon hearing his words with a soft nod of my head against his shoulder. I should have known this was going to happen. After all, the deal was playing pretend anyway, so I should have expected this. We were both stuck between wanting to see each other and not. If we do open the lights, we’ll find parts of each other that we wouldn’t like, parts that did not appeal to us--and we were both just not ready to ruin something we’ve made up so perfectly just yet.

 

Time was running out, and it was either I let him and myself keep this whole fiasco as a perfect memory of a love that only happened once upon a time between two broken people, or I can open the lights and give a face to the boy I was making love to not too long ago.

 

"I have t-to go," The stutter in his words made it clear that he didn't want to. I didn't either. He gives my head a quick kiss, before I feel him slowly slipping away from me to stand up, open that door and leave my life forever.

 

As soon as he pulls away and stands up, I do, too, so I could grab his hand blurting out something that was way _too real_ and from what we were doing just now-- all that pretend, make up bullshit.

 

"I wish this was real.." I say, holding onto his hand a little too tightly, as if silently wishing him not to go.

 

"I do, too," I close my eyes as his fingers slip away from my hold so that he could open the door, disappearing completely from my life.

 

Without thinking twice, I swoop in and grab the door after he disappears and I open it, only to be greeted by a sea of faces. It could be anyone. Was he someone I knew? Was he still here, somewhere, in this crowd?

 

He was gone, and all I have to remember him by is our memory of a perfect love together, and a made up name that I've never even heard of.

 

_"Where have you gone, Han...?"_

 

I've never felt so... ** _Lost_ ** before.

 

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End file.
